Inferiority

My issue is that I never feel adequate.  I want to be a good mother to my kids but I don't know if I'm doing it right.  My mom worked full-time while I was a kid and I spent my days at school and with my grandma.  I definitely do not have her patience.  I can't remember grandma ever yelling at me till I was an unruly teenager.

And then I read blogs.  I am a blog junky.  Places like these:
A Bit Of This and a Bit Of That
Fowl Single File
creative jewish mom
Weelicious
Mothering Corner
Muffin Tin Mom
O'Bento Lunch 4 Kidz
and pretty much every blog that has ever been featured on The Crafty Crow
...Remind me of all the things I am not.

I don't homeschool.  I don't craft daily (or even weekly, really).  I am not hopelessly devoted to my daughter's lunch box.  I seldom allow my children to help me in the kitchen.  We don't frequently take "field trips" to go do fun things - only on the occasional weekend do we go to really great places.  My house is a mess about 75% of the time, and I yell when I'm upset.  All I ever see on those blogs are photos of happy children living magical lives full of arts and crafts and delicious foods.  And I feel guilty because I am obviously not doing enough.  And then I vow that I'll do better - be better - for my kids.  And we have a couple of days where I ponder letting them turn the contents of my recycle bin into something really cool...  and then I opt to just bake cookies instead.  And that's good for a while, but the guilt seeps back in when I don't do something awesome the next day and my kitchen counters are still speckled with the flour from yesterday's cookies.

Clearly, I am failing my children.  A goes to school and loves it, but when she's home she loves movies and playing Godzilla in the toy room (at least, I think that's what she must be doing in there - that's certainly what it looks like she was doing when I go in afterwards and get completely flabbergasted by the disaster zone that it has transformed into...) and snacking.  C is too little for a lot of things, still, but she really enjoys singing.  I enjoy hearing it.  She has music in her little soul.  She also enjoys snacking.  And tagging along with pretty much everything that A does.

Maybe by blogging about this complex of mine, I am making progress towards being a better parent, less focused on what I SHOULD be and do and more focused on what I AM and how I can be there for my kids.

Anyways, surely those other bloggers have their own less-than-perfect moments too, right?