My issue is that I never feel adequate. I want to be a good mother to my kids but I don't know if I'm doing it right. My mom worked full-time while I was a kid and I spent my days at school and with my grandma. I definitely do not have her patience. I can't remember grandma ever yelling at me till I was an unruly teenager.
And then I read blogs. I am a blog junky. Places like these:
A Bit Of This and a Bit Of That
Fowl Single File
creative jewish mom
Muffin Tin Mom
O'Bento Lunch 4 Kidz
and pretty much every blog that has ever been featured on The Crafty Crow
...Remind me of all the things I am not.
I don't homeschool. I don't craft daily (or even weekly, really). I am not hopelessly devoted to my daughter's lunch box. I seldom allow my children to help me in the kitchen. We don't frequently take "field trips" to go do fun things - only on the occasional weekend do we go to really great places. My house is a mess about 75% of the time, and I yell when I'm upset. All I ever see on those blogs are photos of happy children living magical lives full of arts and crafts and delicious foods. And I feel guilty because I am obviously not doing enough. And then I vow that I'll do better - be better - for my kids. And we have a couple of days where I ponder letting them turn the contents of my recycle bin into something really cool... and then I opt to just bake cookies instead. And that's good for a while, but the guilt seeps back in when I don't do something awesome the next day and my kitchen counters are still speckled with the flour from yesterday's cookies.
Clearly, I am failing my children. A goes to school and loves it, but when she's home she loves movies and playing Godzilla in the toy room (at least, I think that's what she must be doing in there - that's certainly what it looks like she was doing when I go in afterwards and get completely flabbergasted by the disaster zone that it has transformed into...) and snacking. C is too little for a lot of things, still, but she really enjoys singing. I enjoy hearing it. She has music in her little soul. She also enjoys snacking. And tagging along with pretty much everything that A does.
Maybe by blogging about this complex of mine, I am making progress towards being a better parent, less focused on what I SHOULD be and do and more focused on what I AM and how I can be there for my kids.
Anyways, surely those other bloggers have their own less-than-perfect moments too, right?